I had a whole plan in place for a blog post today, but then I realized that there is something sitting on my heart today that is heavier than anything else right now and that is because  it is September 11. I know that my heart is in great company with thousands of other American hearts today, but for some reason it has caught me off guard that I am more emotional about it than I remember being last year. 

Our Flag

I first noticed my emotion at breakfast when I was 1. Surprised that I couldn’t find anything about 9-11 on the front page of the newspaper and 2. When I did find something further in, I asked Logan if he knew what happened 11 years ago on this day.

So, it was when he said he didn’t know that I began to explain to him the World Trade Center: “Well you see, the World Trade Center were two very very tall identical buildings that stood in the center of New York City….” and the tears in my eyes just welled up. It was because I was speaking in the past tense.

As I continued to recall that morning, I didn’t describe terrorist, but told him that some very very bad people flew an airplane into the first tower, and then another one into the next. And that 3,000 people died that day. I sat and closed my eyes as I told him. I felt like I couldn’t open them for a minute. As if it were my moment of silence and reflection. Logan’s face just went blank and Eli didn’t say anything, just sat and listened. It wasn’t my intention to scare them or make them painfully aware of the reality of what evil can be committed in the world at times, but, at least for Logan, I felt like he is old enough to know about it. At least on the surface.

On Labor Day when we went to the Colorado Balloon Classic down in Memorial Park, we were able to get a close up look at the Fallen Firefighter Memorial and I took this picture.

Fallen Firefighter Memorial

At the time, I just took it because it felt important to me. It is a very powerful and humbling memorial. It begs respect. Even as we approached it, we felt like we aught to stop talking, or keep our voices at a whisper. 

When I saw that one of the photos of the day for September on Instagram was hero, Chris suggested I use this one. At the time I didn’t realize that the topic was for the 11th. But it only makes sense.

I didn’t have children yet 11 years ago on this day. Maybe it means more to me now because I do. Not that it didn’t mean so much to me at the time. I wasn’t even there in NYC but feelings that I felt from seeing the images on the television are haunting. I said to Logan this morning while shaking my head, “It was so scary, Logan, it was so scary.” 

I know he will start learning about it in school. This will be in the history books and Chris and I will be the parents who we around when it happened and able to answer the questions of our children about it. Just like I asked my parents about the Kennedy Assassination or the moon landing. 

Case in point. Schools are teaching it already. As Eli and I were riding home this morning from speech therapy we passed another elementary school where a large group of young students were having a parade all dressed in red, white and blue and waving hand-made construction paper American flags. They were waving to the passers-by and encouraging us to honk our horns. As I honked my horn and waved at them, tears fell down my cheeks. Eli asked me what they were doing and I was fighting my emotion so badly that I couldn’t even muster the words to tell him. I think I may have just said they were having a parade!

I don’t like that I have this memory to share with my children-meaning, I wish this event never occurred in our history. But, it is an honor for me to be able to talk with my kids about it and teach them the importance of always remembering what this day means.