“Mom, somebody actually farted in my school today,” announced my Eli, quite matter-of-factly, on our way home from gymnastics last night. 

And, no, I don’t think it is weird or inappropriate that I chose to write a blog post about farting, because what it’s really about in the end, is the disservice I have done in raising my boys to not know the meaning of fart, but instead to call it AIR.

That’s right, friends. My boys never farted growing up, they only ever had air. And, to this day, they still do…

For example: “Oh, did you have air, son?” OR “Did someone just have air?”

Yea, I’m certain you get the idea. Just insert the word AIR into any situation where the word FART would have been suitable. 

So, for instance, if Logan was playing with his neighbor friends (true story) and he farted (ahem…had air, excuse me), said friends would giggle in his direction and inform him that he had just farted. My poor boy didn’t even know what that was, and at that time, I’m sure he was around five or six-years-old already! Kids are supposed to laugh at farting, after all. And what did I do? Well, I stood by my boy and his friends and said something like this, “What they meant was, ‘Did you have air, honey?’ “

Oh, for real. I speak only with truth.

I’m not proud of this! It’s horrible and I’m so embarrassed that I was one of those moms! I should have known that it might come back and bite me someday! All I wanted was to have my sons be polite, I was sure that such a rude word wouldn’t at all appear becoming on their lips. 

Didn’t I realize that there are so many other, more important, more serious things to shield my offspring from than uttering the word fart, no less knowing what one is? 

So anyhow, back to yesterday evening and Eli. He has become quite aware of farting ever since he bought the fart gun made popular by the Despicable Me films. (Hence the above photo) He chose it, above all else, when we brought him to Target after his birthday to spend some money he had received as a gift. I believe he truly thought it was simply a toy that made funny noises. That’s all a fart is to my boys. A funny sound. That may all be in the past now. And, it’s as if Eli made the connection all at once on his own yesterday in school. 

I asked my young boy how he knew that someone had, in fact, farted? Please also notice that I didn’t correct him this time by asking how he knew someone had had air…

Here’s what he said, “I knew he (classmate’s name withheld) farted, because I was right next to him and I smelled SKUNK!”

So there it is, folks. The cats out of the bag. Or rather skunk out of the…Oh, never mind. When did I become so juvenile, anyway?

But you laughed, didn’t you? 😉