I’ve had this sticky note stuck to a cupboard door in my kitchen now for a month. I’ve kept it there because I knew I wanted to use what’s written on it as the center of a blog post eventually. And, it looks like eventually has finally arrived!
I haphazardly jotted down a few sentences spoken from Eli’s lips and, as with most of the things that come from there, they struck a chord and I discovered that I think he really has an affinity for me. Of course he does, you think, I’m his mom. And, yes, I agree. Its just that he says such thoughtful things to me, he hugs me almost constantly and gives me leg squeezes and cheek kisses several times a day. I say he’s thoughtful because of the way he is always careful to consider things that I would like. He really seems to put an emphasis on the fact that I’m a girl. The only girl in the house. He’s very aware of girl things. He often tells me that I’m the only girl he likes! But then I remind him of his grandmothers and his auntie and maybe his teacher and a couple school pals…so he’s quick to add most of them to his “like” list, but then that’s all. No more girls and no more girl stuff, except only when it comes to what I would like.
Lately he’s been keeping a journal in which he draws pictures of ideas he has for science and inventions and things like this. Here, I’ll show you some examples… (But please don’t reproduce these ideas or tell them to anyone else, he has a note glued onto the front that reads, “Eli’s Notebook. Only for the people who live in this house.” I’m aware of the breach of confidentiality I’m committing by posting them on here, but now I’m putting my trust in you.)
His big brother has transcribed of each idea, by the way.
The idea that he told me about hasn’t yet made it into his notebook, but I deemed it so good that I made sure it quickly found its way onto the sticky note. It’s sticky-note-good. Eli’s idea described a kind of spray that would help me sleep well at night. Or rather, enhance my sleeping experience. And, much like what’s written on the sticky note, he spoke something like this…
“One spray on your head before bed and you’ll dream of girl-stuff like hearts and flowers and stuff you like. One smell and you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.”
Wow! Great sleep and happiness forever! I’m in! But it makes me wonder if he thinks I’m unhappy? Or in fact steadily happy enough, but he just wants to insure the consistency of that emotion for ever?? It’s actually very profound if you ask me. The ironic thing about it all is that he possesses such a complex little personality. And I share all of the following out of love and because I know I’m not alone. Around 97 percent of the time he is as sweet and loving as I could ever hope to imagine my young boy being. As sweet as the way I’ve described him so far in this post. But then somehow, the other three percent of Eli contains traces of trickery, disrespect, manipulation, anger and sometimes, dare I say it…down right meanness. I know, I know, its my boy and I’m using such strong words to describe him, but here’s what I’m going to say about that… if I didn’t use these words, I would be doing him a disservice. I may not like when he throws down the inhabitants of that remaining three percent of his personality, but they are part of what makes him, him. And his mama says he’s special. It’s that unconditional part of a mother’s love.
I feel confident that we, his family, are the only ones who lay witness to his more unpleasant side. He bares his teeth when he’s defending himself (being the youngest…), not getting his way, too tired or being forced to eat cheesy potato crock pot soup. My point is this….he’s got fire in him-good fire and not-so-good fire. Don’t we all sometimes? He’s a kid and he’ll grow into it and we’ll watch as it all evens out and winds up serving him well someday.
So, for now, I say, I’ll give his sleep spray a go! If I’m peacefully dreaming at night about girl stuff like hearts and flowers and stuff I like and I’m guaranteed to be happy the rest of my life, how can I go wrong? And, I’ll always take leg squeezes while he’s still the right height to give them and cheek kisses until it cramps his style. But I hope it never does.