Oh, I suppose it might be getting to be time for this. And, by the way, I know there were a lot of words in the first “big little*” sentence. I didn’t plan that. I know a run-on, redundant sentence when I see one. That may in fact be symbolic of me drawing out the inevitable reality that my big man is out of the safety of Kindergarten and first grade is right there waiting-like a “big little*,” well something. First grade shall not be given a negative word. It’s not first grade’s fault that I’m in denial and writing out longer than necessary sentences to avoid getting to the true fact that I’ve entered into the last two weeks of summer vaca and I am making mental lists of doubts. (Wow, another long sentence!). Did I do everything possible to make this the best summer it could be for my guys? Do they know how much I love them, did I show it? Did we make good memories? Did we go to the pool/park/bike trail enough? Will Logan look back to his summer and smile? This period of time, this two weeks before school starts, may just be an annual occurrence. I’d have to go back and check, but I’m willing to bet there is a post in there, around this time a year ago, with similar sentiment. Although, I was truly bugging out a year ago right now because my baby was entering public school! The shock of that has worn off, now its just the fact that I’m going to miss him. Plain and simple. It was yesterday when, right before lunch, I stood in the kitchen talking to Chris about emptying the trash or something, when the waterworks opened up out of my eyes and I knew right then it had begun and I would need to start addressing these emotions. I really thought I was fine. And, I will be.

*An explanation of “big little:” Yesterday Logan was trying to describe to me some sort of Lego structure and used the words, “big little.” I told him something couldn’t necessarily be big and little at the same time. But, he told me that it was tall, which made it big, and thin, which made it small. Works for me! Maybe I could use the words, “big” and “little” to describe this whole back-to-school event. It is a big deal, but also little in that it’ll be easy as can be and will continue to get easier and easier.

Logan woke up this morning, early, and wanted so badly to help me with this entry. He said, “I wish so badly that I could help you write that, but I don’t know how to use that kind of computer.” I told him that I was writing about him starting first grade and he could draw a picture of what he thinks he will look like on the first day of school because I didn’t have picture to put with this yet.