I was asked an interesting question at work the other night by a friend and co-worker. What do you want to do when your kids are grown more and in school full time? I took this to mean, What do you want to do when you grow up? I say that only because for quite a long time now, I always refer to the idea as that-what I want to still do when I grow up. Because, even though I am 35, I still feel like there is something else out there that I will end up doing, and maybe I won’t be “grown up” until I do it. What do you think of that?

On the one hand, it wasn’t that interesting a question because it’s something that I have put thought into in the past. I don’t actually have a career, so I don’t consider myself at that stage of life, yet. That right there is what I think is interesting, my friends. But this time, what I’m stuck on is the fact that I didn’t actually have an answer for her. That threw me for a loop because up until rather recently, if I were asked that question, I would have known exactly what to say!

I will either become a Yoga teacher or a Chef.

But, as of Friday night last week, something tells me that neither of those aspirations ring true any longer, and that “something” is the fact that I didn’t speak the words, Yoga teacher or Chef  immediately upon hearing the question and giving my answer!

What does this mean? I haven’t been able to let it go all weekend. I’ve lost track of my love for Yoga and if I’m being honest, I know how I am in the kitchen and I don’t know if Chef and Jen are two words that play nicely together. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t just love to take some cooking classes at some point because I do love to cook…but I will happily stick to the term at-home-cook to suite my needs.

I began wondering if I really need to know what I want to be when I grow up. Can’t I fly by the seat of my pants? I think the first thing that comes to mind though, now, would be a full time blogger. But, I don’t really know what that means, exactly. Doing what I’m doing now, just on a grander scale? I will have more time then to devote to it, that’s for sure! I do plan to continue my blogging. After all, I consider myself a writer. I went to college for it, even!

I remember last summer when I ran into an old classmate of mine from junior high and high school. We hadn’t seen one another in 16 years! He asked me quite quickly what I “do,” and upon telling him that I work part time at Starbucks by night and raise my kids by day, I wanted to feel a little (dare I say it…) embarrassed. Like I wasn’t successful or something. Like a shmancy, well paying job would have allowed me to hold my head a little higher during our exchange? But, no. He met my kids and when both my boys gave him knuckles (or a pound, whatever you call it), that was enough to make me hold my head high in the realization that raising my family is what I “do.” And, it’s going well and I think I might not be too bad at it.

So, that leads me back to my friend and coworker asking me what I will “do” when I grow up. I think I might just see what I feel like then (when is then?). Being a Mom is what I do. And will always do. There will be a time when I can fit in more. I just want to be happy. I’ll “do” whatever that is and I may not know it until I’m knee deep in it. Maybe then I will affirm that I “grew-up.” Am I already?